There is only one SpongeBob SquarePants. Voiced by Tom Kenny, this beloved citizen of Bikini Bottom is mostly known as a wave of callow positivity. SpongeBob’s energy helps paint the cartoon in the bright and exciting atmosphere, which perfectly exemplifies the surrealistic sense of humor the program maintained during its first few seasons. SpongeBob’s particular brand of idiocy is hard not to find endearing, whether he’s trying to get Squidward to enjoy jellyfishing despite his neighbor’s severe injuries from that very activity or joyfully agreeing to a 24-hour work shift. SpongeBob in his heyday could pick up your spirits as easily as he can throw on his karate gear.
But don’t be fooled; this sponge has an impressive emotional range, which is essential to any sitcom’s central character. Show creator Stephen Hillenberg and his team were talented enough to imbue him with all these nuances without losing the innocence of his fragile, spongy heart. He can combine emotions in a way that’s both heartwarming and funny, say something that immediately elicits both tremendous sympathy and non-stop giggles. While it’s important to include a few examples of SpongeBob’s infectious pep, many of the following entries show the sponge displaying very intense and unexpected emotions—complicating his character while staying true to it and embracing the show’s eccentric atmosphere. Put another way: SpongeBob’s greatest lines can sometimes serve as perfect embodiments of what his character represents on the whole, but they also tend to subvert expectations in brilliant, shocking, and always hilarious ways.
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“I’ve got another idea! Why don’t I call someone whose job it is to fix it? You know why? Because when I need a job done, I call someone with a job to do that JOB!”
“Can You Spare a Dime?” (Season 3, Episode 17b)
As nice as he is, it’s fun watching SpongeBob get angry on occasion. In “Can You Spare a Dime?,” Squidward has become a lazy, spoiled freeloader. Finally, after he orders his extremely generous host to fix the remote control, SpongeBob goes ballistic: “I’ve got another idea! Why don’t I call someone whose job it is to fix it? You know why? Because when I need a job done, I call someone with a job to do that JOB!”
The body language here is everything. When he says “I have another idea,” he effortlessly tosses the television over his head (even though he’s usually a weakling). Then he jumps onto the bed and grips the sides as if he’s ready to tear it apart. His wide-open glare, his enlarged mouth, the way he pokes Squidward’s nose as he emphasizes “job”—these details all comically convey SpongeBob’s loss of patience. It’s one of those great moments when we’re reminded that SpongeBob, like all of us, can only put up with so much.
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A Fart Sound
“Welcome to the Chum Bucket” (Season 2, Episode 14a)
Even funnier: when SpongeBob is the spoiled brat. In “Welcome to the Chum Bucket,” the acclaimed fry cook is forced to work for Plankton. And to Plankton’s credit, he goes above and beyond to make his new employee as comfortable as possible—to the point where we almost sympathize with this villain. But the sponge won’t work: “Tell you what, Half-pint, why don’t you ask me later?” No longer Mr. Nice Guy, Plankton commands him to make some patties. This leads to a back-and-forth that results in SpongeBob making a fart sound (with his mouth) while pointing his backside toward Plankton.
The sponge is surprisingly funny when he’s being a jerk. This flagrant refusal to cooperate would be wildly out of character if he were speaking to anyone else, which makes it all the more enjoyable. Here we get to see a side of SpongeBob that’s difficult to find elsewhere: never is he so aggressively antagonistic, and the way this argument builds in intensity makes this unrepentant display of immaturity all the more spectacular.
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“SIT DOWN!”
“The Best Day Ever” (Season 4, Episode 20a)
This show excels at presenting a character going through a strong cocktail of emotions. Season four’s “The Best Day Ever” is a great example, as SpongeBob angrily walks up on stage in front of a packed house, lamenting about how his “best day ever” has gone all wrong. He sounds like he’s about to cry, and we’re clearly supposed to sympathize (and empathize; we’ve all been there)—but then someone in the audience gets up from his chair, intending to leave. As soon as he does, SpongeBob interrupts himself to scream, “SIT DOWN!”
It’s kind of hilarious that this stranger isn’t at all interested in SpongeBob having a full-blown breakdown in public, but it’s even funnier that the sponge essentially holds him (and everyone else) hostage. None of this drama has to do with them, and yet everyone has to awkwardly watch anyway. Notice how SpongeBob was already furious when he got up on stage, making these sudden shifts in tone make him seem all the more unhinged. It’s one of his more conceited moments, sure, but that just makes his brazen outrage all the more memorable.
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“I’m ready!”
All the time
If you’re going to make a list about SpongeBob’s greatest quotes, then you need his catchphrase. It’s just a given. The way he cheerfully declares “I’m ready!” encapsulates what viewers around the world love most about his character: his unabashed optimism, his love for his job as a fry cook, and his attempt to make everyone else as confident as himself. Usually, this line is used in the morning, when SpongeBob is putting on his Krusty Krab uniform. He’ll often repeat it, too, whether he’s jogging to work or riding his bicycle.
“I’m ready!” is a mantra that lots of fans can probably use in their own lives. Not everyone’s a morning person, after all, and something as small as telling yourself you’re ready can help someone just get that forward momentum started. This isn’t necessarily one of SpongeBob’s funniest lines, but it is his most charming. SpongeBob’s eagerness to start the day exemplifies the entire show’s aggressively bright and sparkly aura, and his character wouldn’t be complete without it.
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“Sure! With these spiky cleats, anything is possible!”
“SpongeBob Meets the Strangler” (Season 3, Episode 20a)
Cartoons excel at presenting the macabre in an absolutely delightful tone. Take one particular scene from SpongeBob‘s fantastic third season, in which the gullible sponge can’t find the key to his house. The Strangler gets impatient, saying they should just climb through a window. Since he isn’t tall enough, the criminal asks his target if he can climb up on his shoulders. The response is brilliantly absurd: “Sure! With these spiky cleats, anything is possible!”
First of all, saying that “anything is possible” simply because you’re wearing cleats is so ridiculously positive that it feels like quintessential SpongeBob. Furthermore, the visuals here are superb, as the enormous size of SpongeBob’s footwear emphasizes just how unnecessarily dangerous they are in this situation. Then there’s the contrast between SpongeBob’s joyful tone and the world of pain he is about to bring to the unlucky Strangler. Along with the Strangler’s moment of realization when it’s already too late and the marvelous execution of his ordeal, this line is dangerously funny.
5
“Floor it??”
“Boating School” (Season 1, Episode 4b)
One of SpongeBob’s defining characteristics is his incompetence behind the wheel, and the first episode that delves into the topic is one of the best at it. He can pass the oral exam just fine, but he cannot handle the anxiety that hits when he has to literally drive. When Mrs. Puff starts the boat, you would think the apocalypse has come. Poor SpongeBob can’t get himself together, so when his instructor asks him what he should do next, he gives the worst possible answer: “Floor it?”
Puff’s response is terrific. Her knee-jerk reaction is to say “Yes,” followed by an immediate correction. Too late! All SpongeBob heard was “Yes.” His eyes grow larger, and he looks completely insane when he asks again, “Floor it??” Even when Mrs. Puff very clearly tells him not to, the panic in her voice tells us that all is lost. SpongeBob floors it and crashes the boat. This hysterically illustrates SpongeBob’s inability to listen under pressure, as well as this minor character’s classic attempts to control the madness.
4
“Bald! Bald!”
“The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie” (2004)
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie from 2004 is too good not to include here, and this is definitely one of its wildest quotes. King Neptune (Jeffrey Tambor) is so desperate to get his crown back that SpongeBob tries to calm him down. The king quietly confides that his crown is not only a symbol of authority but a way to cover his “thinning” hairline. SpongeBob is willing to cheerfully shrug that off, “Oh your Highness, I’m sure it’s not that noticeab—” but finds himself unable to finish that sentence properly. The King has removed the paper bag from his head, revealing his shimmering scalp.
Upon beholding this round mirror, SpongeBob cannot help but exclaim, “Bald! Bald! Bald!” like a triggered alarm. It’s as if the kindness of his soul has been overpowered. The difference in his posture is also key to the line’s glory: SpongeBob starts the quote closing his eyes and making a casual waving motion with one hand while the other confidently rests on his elbow, but then he winds up staring at his own image with bulging eyes as both arms shoot out in opposite directions. He looks like he’s about to fall over in horror, and the audience is ready to fall over in stitches.
3
“No, no, wait. It was his mother you said was dirty, not his ship.”
“Shanghaied” (Season 2, Episode 13a)
This season two masterpiece begins with a ship causing significant structural damage, and Squidward has a bone to pick with whoever’s in charge. Turns out it’s the Flying Dutchman, which makes Squidward suddenly reluctant to speak up. So the ever-helpful SpongeBob steps in, explaining that Squidward wanted to complain, that he was calling the ship dirty. The Dutchman tells him that “insulting a man’s ship be worse than insulting his mother.” Then, out of nowhere, SpongeBob changes the story: “No, no, wait. It was his mother you said was dirty, not his ship.”
This is sensational. Squidward said nothing of the sort, and SpongeBob damn well knows that. Some may argue otherwise, but it doesn’t matter; the way he casually says something so dangerous with one eyebrow curved up is nothing short of comedic brilliance. Also, it’s such a rude thing to say that you couldn’t possibly see it coming, much less out of SpongeBob’s mouth. A simple question arises: Why? In any case, Squidward gets immediately burned, and the audience is instantly tickled.
2
“You promised these children Krabby the Clown, but all I saw out there was…Cheapy the Cheapskate!”
“Krabby Land” (Season 3, Episode 17a)
SpongeBob is such a kind soul that we forget sometimes that he can have totally brutal and clear-eyed comebacks when the moment arises. One of the greatest examples is undoubtedly near the end of season three’s “Krabby Land.” Mr. Krabs kept a crowd of kids waiting for a clown, and SpongeBob has had to endure constant physical pain to help his boss stall for time. When the moment comes, it’s clear that Mr. Krabs was Krabby all along, and his five-second act is disgraceful. With tears in his eyes, SpongeBob confronts the crab in his office: “You promised these children Krabby the Clown, but all I saw out there was…Cheapy the Cheapskate!“
The delivery here is spot on, as SpongeBob’s frustration is expressed with profound sadness. Pairing together this sense of child-like innocence with that hilariously silly name, the quote makes us crack up while feeling sorry for poor SpongeBob at the same time. “Cheapy the Cheapskate” is such a playfully accurate description of what he just witnessed, and the devastation on his face makes it even funnier. Along with the dramatic music and that pause, as if preparing us for the burn of a lifetime, this quote is masterfully crafted all the way through.
1
“HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT?”
“F.U.N.” (Season 1, Episode 10b)
Near the end of “F.U.N.,” it turns out that Plankton only befriended SpongeBob to steal the formula. For such a sensitive sponge, this is an enormous blow. He shoves the proof, a stolen Krabby Patty, in his former-buddy’s face and tells him to identify what he sees. Plankton’s response: “I don’t see anything.” Since the patty is bigger than Plankton, SpongeBob practically explodes: “HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT?” The shot is just a closeup of the Krabby Patty held right next to Plankton, underscoring just how ridiculous Plankton’s assertion was.
Tom Kenny’s garbled delivery is remarkable, both communicating that SpongeBob is crying without us even seeing him while capturing the utter astonishment at his ex-friend’s obvious insincerity. It is a complex and very relatable mix of emotions from the character—essentially a more powerful version of the example above. Meanwhile, the same dramatic music is used here, but this time it’s even better—sending up the romantic movie tropes playing in the background and adding yet another layer to this season one triumph. You want to laugh and cry at the same time.
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