Jessi Ngatikaura Reveals How ‘Toxic’ Marriage Led to Her Publicized Affair (Exclusive)

Jessi Draper Ngatikaura is sharing her biggest regret.

Season 3 of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives features the salon owner and MomToker, 33, coming clean about her affair with Marciano Brunette, a cast member of the Hulu show Vanderpump Villa, Allegations about the affair were featured at the end last season.

While many of her fellow “Mormon Wives” previously said they believed that the indiscretion was between Marciano and SLOMW castmate Demi Engemann, Jessi now admits she did engage in an “emotional affair” with Marciano after kissing twice.

In an interview with PEOPLE, Jessi opened up about her troubled marriage, which she claims included “emotional abuse” from husband Jordan Ngatikaura. Jessi and Jordan married on Oct. 8, 2020, after he proposed in February of that year. After the excitement of the whirlwind romance wore off, Jessi says she began seeing cracks.

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“As soon as it started happening, I was like, ‘Oh, this isn’t super normal,’ but also, you’re kind of used to it. It starts off slow. It’s not like one big dramatic thing happens. It’s little behaviors over time, and then all of a sudden you look back and you’re too deep in it and you can’t do much about it,” Jessi tells PEOPLE.

“So I would say over time, I started to realize it. And then I just had a glass-breaking moment when I left him in [season 3] where I was like, ‘I have to do something or else this is never going to change.'”

In a statement to PEOPLE, Jordan says, “I take full accountability for the pain I caused Jessi during our marriage. At that time in my life, I was deeply unhealed, and as the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. That doesn’t excuse my behavior in any way, it’s something I’ve had to face and take full responsibility for.”

“Over the past year, I’ve been in consistent therapy and doing the hard work to understand the impact of my actions and to grow into a healthier, safer, and more self aware person,” Jordan continues. “My focus now is on continued healing, being the best father and husband I can be, and making sure that the patterns of my past never repeat. I have deep remorse for the hurt I caused and so much respect for Jessi’s strength in continuing to fight for our marriage and family.”

Jessi says that she and Jordan agreed to a 90-day separation, working out ground rules and logistics in therapy. There, they worked together and individually to solve the problems that led to this tense marital moment.

“I would say we both made mistakes for sure,” Jessi acknowledges. “Mine being the affair and his being the emotional abuse, but I think it takes two to tango. And having that toxic dynamic definitely got me into the mindset of where I was and why I did what I did.”

Referring to one scene in which the couple argues about the decision to meet up with Marciano to set the record straight, Jessi continues, “I think when you see [Jordan] yelling at me, anyone who’s been in a toxic or emotionally abusive situation will pick up on the fact that that was not abnormal behavior. And it was on camera, which means in real life it’s usually 20 times worse.”

“I was surprised Jordan showed that side of himself on camera, but that is kind of what opened up us sharing that side of our story and the toxic dynamic we did have,” she continues.

In episode 3, Jordan addresses Jessi’s allegations when the rest of MomTok and DadTok come over for a barbecue without his wife. Jordan admits he “acted extremely poorly” and that “it made us get to a place where it was extremely toxic.” He added that his behavior did not justify her affair and said there were “bad things on both sides.”

“But I do take full ownership for that and accountability that I shouldn’t have done it,” she adds. “I wish I never had, and I hope Jordan feels the same about how he treated me for a while. But yes, it took both of us to get there. I think having it come out publicly was a good wake-up call for us because it got us help. We’ve been in therapy, and it’s been something we’ve been working on ever since.”

The two experience ups and downs as they work on things throughout the season. At several points, both the couple and their castmates and friends bring up the couple’s children, daughter Jovi, 2½, and son Jagger, 5. Jordan also has a 13-year-old daughter, Peyton, from a previous relationship.

“That was the hardest thing for me, knowing that our kids are going to see this. Jordan also has a 13-year-old daughter, so she’ll probably hear about this at school. That’s really hard,” Jessi says.

“But ultimately, as a parent, my biggest goal is to never hide anything from my kids and just share my mistakes so that they can learn from them as well. I think that kids definitely act out when they’re stifled and when you don’t give them freedom and they feel like they can’t talk to you. That is when they do things that are bad. So I feel like giving them context to my story and letting them know, ‘Your mom and dad aren’t perfect, but we’re working on it,’ and just trying to show them healthier patterns moving forward helps.”

She notes, “I just want to be honest with them because they’re going to be adults one day too, and they deserve to know once they’re a little older that you can make mistakes and learn from them.”

As they share it all in season 3, Jessi notes that it felt “very different than anything else we’ve done so far,” not just for her and Jordan, but the entire cast.

“It was kind of like a murder mystery in a way. We’re putting puzzle pieces together and trying to figure out who’s lying and who’s not and getting to the bottom of things. There were so many different dynamics within different relationships. Mikayla and Jace share a lot. Jordan and I share a lot. There are always things going on with Taylor and Dakota,” she shares.

“The friendships, lies, it’s all coming to the surface and truths are being exposed. There’s just so much going on. I feel like MomTok’s going to keep everyone on their toes in season three, for sure.”

The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives season 3 is now streaming on Hulu.