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Top 10 Bafflingly Dumb Celebrity Side Projects

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Everybody needs a hobby, even famous people. After all, they can’t just do the one thing that earns them millions upon millions of dollars, day on and day out, without some variety to keep their lives interesting. Some celebrities have turned their hobbies into legitimately respectable second careers.

Michael Jordan Sells Cologne

If there’s one thing Jordan was good at, besides basketball, it was slapping his name onto every product imaginable. Batteries, underwear, hot dogs: you name it, His Airness endorsed it. But sometimes, existing products weren’t good enough to capture his essence, so he had to create his own. Behold the Michael Jordan cologne, the only Jordan-related decision worse than his minor-league baseball career!

We all want to smell good. And those of us who grew up following Jordan’s Hall Of Fame career wanted to Be Like Mike. But those two did not mesh together. Why? Because sweaty people generally do not smell good. Jordan was very sweaty, but he could get away with it, being an ultra-famous athlete and all; for the rest of us, smelling like him did not land very many job offers or dates.

Amazingly, you can still buy Jordan cologne if you absolutely have to; just don’t expect to be taken seriously. You’d be better off buying Donald Trump’s cologne. At least he works in a clean, fresh air-conditioned office.

Paris Hilton Hair Extensions

Because when we want to find the perfect bit of fake hair, we trust somebody who just turned 30 and has all her hair.

That didn’t stop Ms. Hilton from releasing her own line of hair extensions a few years ago, which were apparently so bad she didn’t ever use them. She was sued by the company manufacturing said fake hair because she didn’t wear them on TV like she was supposed to. Instead, she used other companies’ fake hair and, as we all know, if you wear the wrong kind of artificial clip-on hair, you’re just going to look silly

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Coming up:

10. Jada Pinkett-Smith Fronts a Nu-Metal Band
9. Shaq Versus
8. Hulk Hogan Opens Up An Italian Restaurant
7. Madonna’s Writes Children’s Books
6. Michael Jordan Sells Cologne
5. Gwyneth Paltrow starts GOOP.com
4. Bruce Willis’ Sings (And Sells) The Blues
3. Paris Hilton Hair Extensions
2. Garth Brooks Becomes Chris Gaines
1. 50-Cent Creates THE Perfect Condom

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